Jesus H. Christ, where to begin.  Wow.

Okay, so I guess the first "hahaha dude what the fuck" moment in this issue occurs in panel #2, which honestly says more about Johnny and Tony's relationship than all the bizarre dream imagery that follows.

"Heading to bed already, Tony?" Johnny asks, with a sexy growl.

"Yeah, well," Tony replies in a bitchy, lispy cadence, "spending the whole day in the kitchen can really make you tired."


You can stop making excuses for them now, I think.

Oh, and see that pile of cookies on the table next to Johnny there?  I bet a certain someone spent the whole day in the kitchen making those.  Because he loves his big bearded teddy bear just that much.

So with your mind reeling from the revelations presented thus far, you proceed to panel #3, where the comic continues to assault your senses with yet more sensuality-laced dialogue.  That's not the half of it, though.  Oh sure, the ellipsis-fueled homosexual overtones are one thing.  And you may even be able to cheerfully ignore that bowtied teddy bear and continue with your sanity intact.  But have a look at the kind of literature Tony's into.  On that shelf back there behind his head.

...are you ready for this?  You sure?  No, no you're not.  There's no way you can possibly be ready for this close-up.

...yes.  Yes, I know.  It's hilarious and horrifying at the same time, isn't it?  I know it's difficult to understand these feelings that are welling up inside you, but we'll get through this.  Trust me.  We'll get through this.

There's so many things that could be inferred about Tony just from looking at these books.  To his credit, first of all, The Pokey Little Puppy is an awesome book, and he gets bonus points for having the extended, tome-sized version.  Same for American Psycho, even though this copy is mysteriously credited to TTI.  Hm.  But look at those other books.  "Guerilla Warfare" and "Flashbacks" might offer a little bit of insight into Tony's personality.  "Good Boys and Bad Girls" and "The Feminine Mystique" are even more telling.  What really gets me, though, are "Lace and Leather II" and - get this - "The Joy of Wax."  Seriously.  Could our hero Johnny Turbo and his very, very best friend share a fetish, perhaps?  Let's peek into Tony's subconscious to find out.  So we will now move to panel 4 and...

Ho-lee shit.

Hooooo-leeeee shit.


I...wow.  This is just...Jesus.  I don't even know what to...man.

Okay, well, first of all, I'm pretty sure that the whip, the high-heeled shoe and the spiked brassiere can put to rest any doubts you may have had about the nature of Johnny and Tony's private life.  Lace and Leather indeed.

Let's take an inventory of the rest of the surreal imagery here.  Some of it is fairly benign, like the obligatory TTI banner, a clock, a single die, and...a toad?  But the rest of the things in this picture are...well, really fucking scary.  I can make out a set of grinning teeth, a rose, a finger pointing to nothing in particular, an eye, a pair of lips, and a tube of lipstick.  And see that blue sphere that's partially obscured by the panel's top border?  Check out the faintly-visible circular outline on there.  That's right, those aren't random planets, those are a giant pair of blue tits.

Tony, I'm impressed.  Very, very impressed.

But, though it may be difficult, let's look past all the amazing symbolism going on here and get on with the story.  Amidst Tony's usual bondage-themed dream fodder, we can see a ghostly Johnny Turbo calling out to him.  Nope, nothing strange about that at all.  No sir.  Watch that brassiere, Johnny.  Don't want to get poked in the eye while you're softly cooing to Tony in his sleep, you know.

"You must tell the world about my newest games," he says.  A subliminal message for the readers, I assume, but just try to imagine some kid following this advice and telling his friends about what he read here.  "Dude!  Like, I read this one shitty comic about these two gay guys, and one of them started dreaming about the other one - who is actually this big fatass superhero - and there was all this weird bondage shit floating around in the background while they called out to each other and YOU HAVE TO PLAY THESE GAMES!!!"

That's an awesome fish in the background of panel 5, though.  He's wearing sunglasses.  Hee hee.

So anyway, the last two panels - finally - get to the promotional aspect of this travesty.  At least they managed to get the game's name right this time.  And there's that stupid "CD shooter" descriptor again.  But Tony seems awfully surprised (POINK!) about this game, considering that Johnny was just rambling about it to him in the previous issue.  I guess Tony simply tunes Johnny out whenever he's ranting about how any given FekaCD game DOESN'T EVEN COMPARE!! to a similar but not really at all comparable piece of Turbo Duo software.  He has no choice but to give in and pretend to be amazed when Johnny Turbo is projecting blurry screenshots at him in his dreams, though.  Poor Tony.  I'm sure he'd much rather be dreaming about a leather-clad Johnny chaining him down and dripping hot wax on his nipples.

Sorry for the image.

->On to Page 3
<-Back to Main