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Geez, it looks like my captors were shocked into oblivion by my escape. Either that, or I'm trying to talk to a couple of lifelike guard statues. Yeah, that must be it. They're statues. Yes. Statues. Yeah.
Statues.
Ah, my loyal royal ushers. Still blocking the way, I see.
Good to know that a wedding turned tragic had no affect on you guys doing
your pointless duty. What say you, gentlemen?
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Either (1) These guys are so dedicated to their work that they completely fail to notice everything that goes on around them, or (b) The king told them to make me feel like shit as further punishment, or (three) Something has gone terribly, horribly wrong.
Maybe the king and his court can help me sort this out. At the
very least, I can tell somebody to have those jerky guards tortured or
maimed or suspended with pay or something.
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Uh...hmm. By the first guard's indication, I thought that the
king had spent the last hour or so telling the guards what an awful son
I was, thereby leaving everybody with nothing to say to me. The second
guard gave me more cause to worry, unless I'm trying to talk to another
strategically-placed guardlike statue again. But why would someone
place such a statue right next to a couple of identical (if non-communicative)
guards? Maybe someone wanted to give visitors the impression that
the castle has more employees than it actually has, or that some members
of the troupe are particularly well-trained in the art of stoicism.
And now I've managed to ramble on for ages about terribly uninteresting
speculation, so nyah.
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Oh! Today is a sad day indeed! Not only has my bride of the day been kidnapped, but now my closest friend refuses to acknowledge me. Dear Ian. Dear, dear Ian. Everyone else knew you as the castle's requisite old wise man who wears a funny dress and hat. But to me, you were much more. While the king may have been my father, I knew that you were my dad. I remember when the king would be too busy to play with me, and you would take the time to give me all the attention I craved. Oh...the baseball games...the horsey rides...and who can forget all the times we went outside the castle walls and made fun of all the villagers? They would smile and tolerate our taunts, because they knew we were better than them...but now, you've been reduced to this. My father has turned you against me. Even now, you turn to face me when I talk to you, but you remain unresponsive, as if I were merely a gust of wind that aroused enough attention to merit you turning my way...
Father. You sitting bastard. You'd better have a good explanation
as to why my life has suddenly been shit upon.
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...oh. Well, uh...um...I guess I'm totally fucked then, eh? Can I at least have a moment of dramatic anguish?
...nnnnnnnnnnNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
...
Okay, I'm done. Reset ahoy!
