Part 6: Let Me Know If You See A Radio Shack

Friday, August 9, 2002. ~6:00 PM

God.

...I mean, just...God.

Even now, I don't know why I thought TheRedEye and his friend were cops.  There's no way I can possibly explain how or why I thought that.  Just one look at them would tell you that they weren't.  They were wearing, what, t-shirts and jeans?  What the fuck.  I dunno.  I just don't know.  Maybe I thought that the casino was employing well-dressed hipster cops or something.

You know, so they can better relate to the kids?  Like, if some miscreants are playing with the casino's decorative balls, see, the punks would be more willing to listen to and interact with (or 'rap' with, if you will) a younger pair of security guards who more closely resemble them in style and speech?  Maybe?  Oh, leave me alone, dammit.

At this point, I'm pretty well sure that TheRedEye just thinks that I'm insane, and that he didn't buy my story at all.  I await an opportunity to take him aside, apologize, and explain everything in a rational manner.  Well, as rational as anything involving mistaking a scruffy, gangly 20-year-old for a cop can be, you know.

Jesus.  Like, they didn't even have guns!  That should've told you something right there!  Moron.

Anyway.

We four head back to the parking lot and talk amongst each other along the way.  Me, I talk in an ashamed, reserved way, not wanting to fuck things up further.  I still manage to embarrass myself at one point at least, though I can't remember the details at the moment.  So.

Oh, and TheRedEye's friend is introduced sometime around here.  His name is Billy, but for the sake of this article, we will call him Player 2.  Hi, Player 2.

It'd be easy to mistake this guy for a cop, wouldn't it? Right? Oh, fuck off.
(Image courtesy of Nick)

<Player_2> FUCK THAT NOISE

Indeed.  He's cool, though.  You'll see.

So, it's agreed that Player 2 and TheRedEye will get in their car (uh, that's TheRedEye's car, actually, so's you know), and me and Spinner 8 will follow them to the Plaza hotel.  On foot.  Well, okay, we'll drive.  If you insist.

We exit the parking lot with a little difficulty and head down the street.

Not two minutes into our trip, Spinner manages to 1) allow some stupid woman to cut in front of him and 2) almost lose TheRedEye as he turns a corner and we are stuck at a light, as a result of 1).

Spinner reacts fairly coolly to this, by repeatedly slamming his fists on the steering wheel and screaming.  He did this pretty often throughout our trip, actually.

* Spinner_8 violently thrashes around and screams
<Spinner_8> YOU DIDN'T REMIND ME TO FIX YOUR WINDOW AT THE LAST STOP. AGAIN. FUCK FUCK FUCK

That's what I like about the guy.  Always keeps his cool.

Anyway.  We eventually catch up to TheRedEye, and all is well again.  Hmm hmm hmm.  Just a long, leisurely drive.  And we actually know where we're going and don't have to worry about being lost, for once.  Me and Spinner sit back and stoically enjoy this pleasant sensation.

<TheRedEye> I remember looking at you guys in my rear-view mirror
<TheRedEye> and every time, you guys were just staring straight ahead with your mouths agape, completely emotionless
<TheRedEye> "Man, they're really hitting it off, aren't they?"

Yeah, well.  Driving through hell at 4:00 AM tends to sap away your personality.  Sorry.

So we drive, following as closely as we can, now.  We assume that TheRedEye knows where he's going.  We assume too much.  At one point, he makes a wrong turn and pulls into a driveway or something, while me and Spinner just kind of sit there and wonder what the hell he's doing.  The guy then pulls out and heads in the opposite direction.  It's assumed that we are to do the same thing.  And we do.

I'll never forget that, though.  When he pulled out of that driveway and started heading towards us, I caught a good look at a really confused-looking TheRedEye.  It was great.  He just looked kind of dazed.

And we follow this dazed fellow into what looks to be the ghetto side of Vegas.  As we get closer to the Plaza (look, there it is, just up there), I notice a subtle shift in the surrounding glitz.  I can't exactly explain in words how exactly the Plaza differs from any of the other casinos in Vegas, but like the surrounding casinos in the area, it was...just a little bit ghetto.  Yep.  But still, hey!  We've got a free hotel room ahead of us, ready for thrashing!  Semi-ghetto or not, I'm excited.

We're here.  Yes.  Yessss.  Yuss.

Jesus, are there *any* empty parking spaces in this garage?

We drive in circles around the many floors of the parking garage, finding no free spaces.  The garage is also extremely cramped, and on the ramp leading up to one of the levels, there's this little metal dealie on the ground that sounds exactly like a gunshot when you run over it.  Scared the shit out of us.

So, we end up driving to the fucking roof of the garage before we finally find places for us to park.  Jeez, finally.  It's at this point where I bid Spinner 8's car a fond goodbye, because I won't be seeing it for the next few days.  This is because of TheRedEye's generous offer to "drive [us] assholes around."  Thanks.  Much appreciated.

<Sardius> Hey.
<Sardius> Like, should we take any of this stuff in the car into the hotel room?
<Spinner_8> Nah, I don't think we need to.
<Sardius> But...what about my CDs?
<Sardius> Will they be all right, in the heat and all?
<Spinner_8> Sure they will.
<Spinner_8> And even if they melt, why should you care? They're all pirated anyway.
<Sardius> ...oh yeah.
<Sardius> But...but...my Bruce Willis! I paid 99 cents for that! What if...hey! Don't ignore me!

And, like, we're here.  This is it.  This is the Plaza Hotel.  Coolness.

We head toward the elevators.  There's a large concrete barrier in front of the door leading to them, extending about fifty feet in one direction.  The ever-youthful RedEye and friend easily leap the wall and run inside.  Me and Spinner, being realistic, opt to walk around it.

Elevators.  Yep.  We are using the elevators.  Us four.  Mmhmm.  In the elevators.

...

So, we go to the floor where our room is located.  We find it soon enough.

<TheRedEye> Look at this.
<TheRedEye> Double doors.
<Sardius> ...oh yeah.

We see a pair of ornate doors leading into our room.  TheRedEye takes out a keycard and swipes it through the lock.  The door unlocks.  The door is opened.

...ooh.

Ooh ooh.

Okay, this is some mistake.  I don't think I'm going to be allowed to stay in a room this nice, guys.  It's just...man, look at this.  A bar.  And, like, a balcony.  A balcony!  And...wait, red, are you supposed to open that door?  Oh, what, that room is ours, too?!  Fuck, man.  Look at th...

We are able to admire the adjoining room for about a second and a half before TheRedEye dashes in and starts jumping on the bed.  He's really into it, too.  He's putting his full weight and effort into jumping on a bed that isn't his and that he doesn't have to give a shit about breaking.  As he should.

Me and Spinner just kind of stand there and admire the spectacle.  Yep.  Here we are, with - can you believe it - TheRedEye, and he's jumping on the bed.  Good stuff.

We all give the suite a full examination.  I discover that the bar has a small refrigerator, which is unfortunately almost entirely empty.  It contains only a single Power Bar of some sort.  I exclaim my findings, and the rest of the group reacts with similar disappointment and disgust.  The hotel staff should furnish us with a full refrigerator, dammit.

Soon we find ourselves on the balcony.

<TheRedEye> You know.
<TheRedEye> One of us is going to jump off this thing at some point.
<TheRedEye> Just you watch.

Yep, you're probably right.  Spinner, however, is content with just spitting onto the sidewalk some ten stories below, though.  I tell him to cut it out.  Remember what happened the last time you were fucking around like this?  With the, uh, security guards?  Yeah.

So, our exploration done, we just sort of stand around and talk and stuff.

<Sardius> Hey, can I buy that copy of Poker III off of you?
<TheRedEye> Sure. Eight bucks.
<Sardius> Okay...
<TheRedEye> Oh, hey. Anyone here need a Sachen Famicom converter? I've got lots.
<Sardius> Ooh, me!
<TheRedEye> All right...that'll be two dollars.
<Sardius> Mmkay...
* Sardius hands TheRedEye a $10 bill
* TheRedEye hands Sardius the stuff
<Sardius> Okay then.

Weird how I'm almost immediately buying stuff off of the guy, isn't it?  I just wanted to make sure that I got a copy of Poker III, though, see.  I mean, it just wouldn't be right to leave Vegas without a copy.  It's one of the main reasons why I came, actually.  I just really wanted that game.

Come on, you can't deny the power that 007 has over you.  He controls you.  You know that your life won't be complete until you have a copy of Poker III.  ADMIT IT!!

Uh, anyway.

After awhile, Red says that he has to go down to the show floor for some reason or another, and he says that he wants to have someone go with him.  I volunteer, and Billy throws me his press badge, so I can enter the show floor.  So we get back on the elevator and head down.

Here's my chance.  I immediately explain everything.

<Sardius> ...so as you can see, I'm not really rude or insane, I'm just stupid.
<Sardius> Sorry if I gave you the wrong impression back there.
<TheRedEye> *laughs - perhaps in relief*
<TheRedEye> All right. I see now.
<TheRedEye> It's okay. Thanks for clearing that up, though.
<TheRedEye> For awhile there, I thought you were just, like, the shyest guy ever.
<Sardius> Oh no. I'm not all that shy, really. I'm just an idiot.

What a relief.  I'm so glad that we're clear on everything now.  It'll be hard to forget my stupidity, but at least TheRedEye doesn't think I'm some sort of maladjusted asshole or something anymore.

So, with the air cleared, TheRedEye and I are finally able to talk.  I'll say this: yes, he is as cool to interact with as you'd imagine.  That's all I'll say.  You probably have a good idea.

Me and Red head down to the show floor.  A security guard - yes, a real one...shut the fuck up already - stops us briefly, then waves us by when we show him our badges.

A huh.

I'm in.

I'm in the CG Expo before it opens.  What an amazing privilege.

I follow Red as he briskly strolls over to his table in the back.  And what a sight it is to see.  I mean...well, just look:

This is TheRedEye's picture, by the way, not mine. But it's still really cool. Also of note: Eon Man running ON A TV. More on that later.

It's like...yeah.  Like a little slice of heaven, isn't it?  There's dozens of boxed, complete games there.  Tons of loose carts.  Lots of sealed Tengen stuff on the far right.  And in the middle - yes, friend, your eyes do not deceive you - is a good third of the complete Sachen library on display.  Oh, and see that banker's box in the back?  Inside is a full set of Sachen games.  Oh yes.  You can practically feel the goodness oozing from this picture.

Wait, that's not goodness.  Eww.

So, Red goes behind his table to do...somethingorother, and he tells me to pick out a few multiplayer carts from his collection of complete games to bring back to the room...

---

...okay, let's go back in time a little bit here, since I was too stupid to remember to note these details before now.  Okay?  Okay.  Now, before we started on the trip - hell, even before he came to my house - Spinner had visited rahga in Temple, Texas, in order to pick up a few provisions.  What provisions, you ask?  Well, a few things, including a laptop PC (which was ostensibly intended to be used to power a CopyNES which we never got ahold of), a modified toaster-style NES console and a modified NES Four Score that together enabled four-player modes on Famicom games, and a variety of Kunio games.  For playing.

Therefore, since we had a multitap on hand, and a drunken video game party ahead of us, Red was asking me to pick out a few multiplayer games for just the occasion.  And there's your explanation.  Now, back to our story.

---

...and I start the arduous process of sorting through his hundreds of stacked games, all while hoping against hope that they don't all topple over, thus causing TheRedEye to hate me for all eternity.

In the end, I pick out a few games, including Gauntlet II, Super Spike V'Ball/Nintendo World Cup...oi Red, is Caveman Games multiplayer?  No?  Damn, didn't think so, but just checking.  Yeah.

<TheRedEye> Go ahead and pick out a few Sachen games too if you want to check 'em out.

Oboy.  Just what I was waiting to hear.  Or, uh, not.  Look, you're the Sachen guy here, how would I know which of these are only kinda crappy, as opposed to ultra-crappy?  Hmm.

<Sardius> Huh, Jurassic Boy. I've heard that name before...
<Sardius> ...though I can't remember where or how.
<TheRedEye> It's a Sonic clone.
<Sardius> Mm. Okay, what the hell.
<Sardius> !! (Yes, exclamation points really popped out of my head, Metal Gear style. It was weird.)
<Sardius> DUDE. PYRAMID II.
<TheRedEye> Heh, yep. There's a sequel. And it's 2-player.
<Sardius> Well, then we must play this.
<TheRedEye> And you know that one bastard piece, in the first one?
<TheRedEye> The one that never fits anywhere?

HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE

<Sardius> (with utter hatred) Yesssss.

<TheRedEye> Well, they took it out of Pyramid II.
<Sardius> Wow. Awesome.
<Sardius> This might actually be pretty good, then.

So with games in hand, Red and I head back to the room.  He's carrying some kind of box, if I remember right.  Hmm.

So, we get back to the room...only to find that Billy and Spinner, lacking the supervision that they constantly needed, leapt off the balcony together in our absence.  What a waste.  Okay Red, let's get some games going on here.

Hm.

I forget exactly what transpires here.  It's all a mush of bizarre, hilarious happenstances.  The hour or so we spent in the apartment before we all started playing games was just kind of weird.  I don't remember exactly what happened, but...oh, right, Duck Hunt.  Fuck yeah.  So, Red takes his NES that he brought back from his table on the show floor and hooks it up to the TV in the adjoining room while Spinner and Billy attempt to get rahga's NES to work with the main room's TV.  The game he uses to test it is the always sought-after classic, the Super Mario Bros./Duck Hunt combo cartridge.  It doesn't take long for the familiar selection screen to appear on the TV screen in all its glory.

Games don't get much better than this.

Red selects Duck Hunt.

I still remember this old John Stossel TV news piece from way back about video games...he claimed at one point that his toddler daughter loved this game, and would often chant 'Kill ducks, kill ducks' while playing it. Naturally, I thought that this was totally awesome.

Inspiration strikes.

...

He calls the rest of our group into the room to tell us of his vision.

<TheRedEye> JUMPING ON THE BED DUCK HUNT!

Red plugs in a Zapper, stands on the bed, and shoots the screen - one-handed - to select a game.  Billy immediately grasps the weight of what kind of activity was being implied by Red's statement, and quickly jumps up on the bed as well.  Spinner and I just kind of stand back and watch in awe at what unfolds.

So, as you can probably guess, Billy and Red start to take turns playing their newfound game "Jumping on the Bed: Duck Hunt."  It involves, well, jumping on a bed while playing Duck Hunt.  Such a thing is only realistically possible in a hotel room, see, and Red, juxtaposing the game he had placed in the NES with the setting he was in, instantaneously formulated a game that every NES owner has always wanted to play, but never could out of fear of breaking something.

Yes, this man is a genius.  It took him only seconds to realize that his unowned surroundings, cheaply-obtained NES, and worthless game cartridge would allow for easy access to every man's dream game.  So, he began to play.  And play he did.

Billy and Red really got into it, let me tell you.  At first, they started jumping and bouncing as high as they could, cursing at the bastard ducks onscreen as they descended.  When this didn't work too well, they adopted a more realistic approach - they kneeled down on top of the foot of the bed and started bouncing using their knees.  This worked better.  Many ducks were killed that night, thanks to those brave, inspired, bouncing folk.  And while most of their ideas were at the very least sound and at the very best pure genius, I can't help but argue with the logic that led them to decide that smoking while playing their new game was a good idea.  Sure, it made them look cooler, as they claimed, but it didn't take long until someone accidentally dropped a large chunk of burning ash on the bed.  Thankfully, it didn't cause any tragedies, but everyone decided to put "Jumping on the Bed: Duck Hunt" to rest soon afterward.  It would return, though.  With a vengeance.  Just you wait and see.

So, we head back into the main room to see what rahga's modded NES had to offer.  As it turns out: not much.  We couldn't get any of the Kunio games to work, and we couldn't figure out if our Famicom converter was fucked, or if the NES just didn't work.  After several minutes' worth of inserting, removing, jiggling, wiggling - Jesus, this is starting to sound bad - and wasted effort, we just said fuckit and decided to get our Sachen on, instead.

Ho baby.

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