I sleep and sleep.
I sleep long. I sleep good.
The air conditioner's on at full blast when I wake up, just as I had left it. It's freezing. Yet I feel very, very good.
That was the most deserved, most enjoyable sleep session I've ever had. I ended up falling asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow, and I experienced one of the woefully few deep and unbroken sleepings I've ever had.
Fuck, that's an awkward sentence. Eh, who cares. My dreamless sleep was quite enjoyable, that's the point. I'm glad I didn't dream, too, because the situation of being halfway across the country with someone I'd only met two days prior and was now trusting my life to...well, I won't try to think of what that could've wreaked on my subconscious.
I sit up in my weird and probably diseased hotel bed, sunlight streaming through the window. I look over at Spinner, who is still enjoying his sleep. Even though he didn't need or deserve it as much as I did. Man, the lack of sleep was really starting to get to me last night, if I remember...
What DID happen last night, anyway?
Nah, that's crazy. I'm probably just remembering a dream I had or something. Maybe I'll be more able to remember what REALLY happened after I completely wake up. To the shower!
...yes, the shower. Ah ha ha. Love those hotel showers. Even though the room's a double, the hotel people saw fit to only furnish it with one tiny shampoo bottle. I probably could've gotten away with being an asshole by using it all myself ("Where's the shampoo?" "I dunno dude, I don't think they gave us any."), but since I'm so nice, I only used half of the bottle and saved the rest for Spinner. Because I'm considerate like that. Considerate like a motherfucker.
The shower sucks, too. The water's temperature constantly fluctuates, alternating between peepee-burning hot and nipple-freezing cold, with a tour of all points in between. Hrmm. At least I'm awake now.
I dry off. I change. I go back into the bedroom.
That Spinner bastard STILL isn't awake. Jeez, I was more tired than this guy, but look at him. And it's like 11:00 right now. I wonder if he'll be up by checkout time, which is probably noon...
I forget what I do over the next half hour, but it all involves subtle attempts to get Spinner to wake up. Gee, it's awful dark in here. Maybe I'll turn on three or four lamps. And the TV isn't loud enough...oh, look, I can turn up the volume by several dozen notches.
Oh, you're awake.
<Sardius> Good morning!
<Spinner_8> Mraagh.
<Sardius> Hey, did last
night really happen?
<Spinner_8> Grrrbaaah.
<Sardius> I've already
showered, so go...oh, okay, you're going in there anyway. Fine.
Since I have nothing else to do, I watch TV. Only I'm watching it IN A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE! It's a dream come true! I wonder what time zone we're in right now, anyway. It's one I want to get out of, whichever it is. I wonder how many times we had to set that clock back, or how many hours we gained during our trip.
Huh. TV says Charlton Heston has Alzheimer's. Damn. Ooh, local news. What? Recent organized rash of home invasions? Jesus. I don't like this town.
...where were we, again? I know that hotel was somewhere outside of Phoenix, but I can't remember the name of the city. Little help, Spinner?
<Spinner_8> Wickenburg.
Anyway.
Spinner gets out of the shower, and is slightly more intelligible for it. Says he's still tired, though. Too bad!
Nice shirt, though. He's now wearing a black t-shirt with Crow T. Robot on it. I approve. Me, I'm wearing a t-shirt - black of course - emblazoned with The Three Stooges. I figure it's as good as any shirt to wear to our first meeting with TheRedEye.
God, I can't believe we're going to be meeting him in just a few hours from now. This is going to be so awesome.
Anyway. We get in the car.
<Spinner_8> Aw, FUCK.
<Sardius> What?
<Sardius> ...oh.
<Sardius> I'm sorry.
The Dr Pepper that Spinner had bought from the Circle K last night was there in the car. It was almost full. And hours of Arizona heat had made it undrinkable. Such a shame. What a waste.
Oh well.
We go to the office and turn in our keys. Wait, what's this in my pocket...
...well shit. We missed our chance to get our free continental breakfast. Isn't this just a fine mess.
We'll eat somewhere else.
So we begin our drive in the blistering Arizona morning heat, in search of someplace to eat.
<Spinner_8> *yawn*
Shut up. You slept more than I did, and you weren't as tired. In fact, you know what? I'm really
<Spinner_8> Denny's.
<Sardius> That'll do.
So we pull over to Denny's. And yes, I'm too hungry to care that we're going to be eating at Denny's. Let's go.
We sit in a booth.
<Spinner_8> Okay.
I'm sorry, but we MUST get the spicy chicken strips as appetizers.
<Spinner_8> Because I
say so.
Fine. We get his chicken strips and order our meals. I order one of their bigass breakfast plates - The All-American Slam, I think mine was called - and Spinner orders something similar. The waitress offers us coffee. Spinner accepts. I refuse.
I don't know how people can drink that shit. Seriously. And I can wake up all on my own, without a need for caffeinated sludge. Thank you very much. Snort.
...eh, maybe I should've taken the coffee. The drink that the waitress is orange juice in a tiny glass. I'm going to have to carefully ration this stuff throughout the meal. Mmhmm.
So. You awake yet?
<Spinner_8> ...huh? Oh, no.
Fine.
We wait for our food. I look over at a table a few feet away and find it covered with empty beer bottles. Man, people in Arizona start early on in the day. I can't blame them.
A few families enter during our wait. All of them at some point steal sideways glances at the two black t-shirt clad outsiders in the booth by the window. Yeah, go back to your drinking, you fucking lushes.
Ah, food. For eating. This is good.
Mm-mm.
Pancakes, scrambled eggs, bacon, hash browns, some really funky-tasting sausages...yep, I no longer care about the fact that we've been reduced to eating at Denny's. This ain't so bad.
About halfway through our meal, a family enters. One of the kids - a male, maybe 5 or 6 or so - runs up to our table.
<Kid> ...
* Kid briefly analyzes Spinner
8 and Sardius
<Kid> ...
<Kid> ...HI, YOU GUYS.
I'm immediately impressed by the kid's gusto, as I'm sure anyone would be. I give a quick acknowledging wave and say "hi" back. He gets this satisfied look on his face, nods, then turns to Spinner, expecting a similar response.
<Spinner_8> ...
He wasn't going to get anything of the sort from Spinner.
<Kid> ...
* Kid's brow furrows and
his voice adopts a grave tone.
<Kid> ...you're supposed
to say 'hi' back.
<Spinner_8> ...
Spinner continues to give his full attention to the plate in front of him, and the kid looks like he's about to cry for a second. Then his face suddenly lights up and he skips off to his family's table.
<Sardius> C'mon, what
did you do that for?
<Sardius> All he wanted
was a 'hi'!
<Spinner_8> ...
I don't know what was up with him. I apologize for him, folks. I don't know how anyone could be anything but awestruck by this kid. I mean, it takes some real moxie to run up to two total - weird-looking - strangers and demand a greeting from them. I'm not sure why Spinner wasn't as respectful of this kind of exuberant attitude as I was. Maybe he was too tired to appreciate anything that was life-affirming.
I loved how the kid became deadly serious about the situation after Spinner didn't answer him, though. Great stuff. You should've seen him. That little guy's going places, just you watch.
Anyway.
Me and Spinner finish off our meals, and we get ready to leave. He assigns me with tipping the waitress, and I do so. And get this. Even though both of our meals only added up to a total of like seven or eight dollars, I left a five dollar tip. I thought that was really nice of me. I'm sure it seems even nicer because I'm specifically mentioning it. But yeah, I thought it was pretty awesome of me to do that. See, I figured, Jesus, she's a fucking waitress at Denny's. She needs some kind of pick-me-up in between cleaning up after all the drunks and drug addicts that wander in and out of the place all day. So I decided to give her that kind of boost, in the form of leaving her a tip that was slightly more than I was morally obligated to leave. God, I rule.
Um, so.
Spinner and I pay for our meals, and we walk back to the car.
<Spinner_8> You know,
those sausages tasted kinda weird.
<Sardius> Yeah, I noticed
that.
<Sardius> They're not
so bad if you dip 'em in grape jelly, though.
<Spinner_8> ...eww.
<Sardius> What? You've
never eaten sausage or bacon covered in grape jelly before?
<Spinner_8> No. That's
fucking disgusting.
Personally, I think he's the being the weird one, here. Surely I can't be the only one out there who covers his breakfast pork products in grape jelly before consuming them. Speak up, grape jelly fans!
Anyway. Back on the road again.
...doo doo doo. Hey, Arizona's a lot nicer in the daytime. I wouldn't have thought it would've looked like this after all we saw and experienced last night.
Let's waste some pictures.
The following montage was taken over one long several-hundred mile stretch through the Arizona desert:
So.
Oh, we're pulling over? Okay.
Heey, this is nice. More pictures.
<TheRedEye> it's not
that there's anything wrong with the truck
<TheRedEye> it's that
there's a giant wall of fire to your right, and you decided to focus on
a fucking truck
<Spinner_8> my CAR
was consumed by the WALL OF FIRE
<Spinner_8> that ain't
cool
I don't know exactly where this is...all I can tell you is that it's somewhere in Arizona (right outside the Hoover Dam, actually...thanks for reminding me, Spinner). And, uh, there's a guy selling Indian jewelry there. On a blanket. Not like that makes any sort of distinction for the place, because EVERY fucking place in Arizona and Nevada sells Indian jewelry. Most places, actually, offer a combination of services along those lines. I mean, I can't count how many times I saw things like "RESTAURANT / INDIAN JEWELRY" and "ANTIQUES / INDIAN JEWELRY" and "PALM READING / INDIAN JEWELRY" during our trip. Literally hundreds of signs in the area say things like that. And they're all written in huge, capitalized letters.
Pointless tangents aside, after having a look at the neat scenery, Spinner decides to try and call TheRedEye, to tell him that we're on the way.
I get out my phone - well, actually, it's my grandpa's cell phone; he's just letting me borrow it for the trip - and slip it out of its protective Crown Royal bag. I hand it to Spinner.
After like five attempts, he gives up. We discover that my phone sucks ass, and I apologize for it. It keeps asking for a credit card number to make calls, for whatever reason. Hmm.
So, on our way.
<Spinner_8> Heeey!
<Spinner_8> I wonder
if we're going to pass by the Hoover Dam?
<Spinner_8> Because that
would be awesome. The Hoover Dam's cool.
<Sardius> Yeah, okay.
<Spinner_8> ...what?
<Sardius> Nothing. I
agree with you.
<Sardius> I am also excited...to
see the Hoover Dam.
<Sardius> Yes.
<Spinner_8> ...no.
<Spinner_8> No you're
not.
<Spinner_8> You're not
excited at the idea of seeing the Hoover Dam.
<Spinner_8> ARE YOU
<Sardius> No! No. I am.
Really.
<Sardius> Really.
<Spinner_8> Hmph.
Well, Spinner gets his inexplicably excited wish. In order to get to Nevada, we have to pass right by the Hoover Dam.
...wow. Actually, this is kinda nice. I'll get some pictures.
Okay, I seriously agree with you now, man. The Hoover Dam IS cool.
...come on, let's go.
...
This is where it gets bad.
Spinner's car started to run low on gas, so we're forced to turn off the air conditioner in order to conserve what little fuel we've got.
<Sardius> NOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Now, we had been forced to do this a few times before, a fact that I neglected to mention mainly because stories related directly to driving are even more inane and boring than the boring, inane non-driving stories I've been writing about for the last four pages. All of these previous incidents were due to Spinner's stupidity, in all truthfulness. See, he'd pass by a gas station with a little less than half a tank, vowing to stop at the next station he sees. Then we wouldn't see another station for another hundred miles and would have to turn off the air conditioner and suffer because of it. This happened at least five times before it finally sunk into Spinner's skull that we should fill up more often.
Thing is, this wasn't so bad before, because Spinner could just roll down his window and let the 100 MPH winds rush into the car and cool us off. This time, however, it was bad.
(By the way, while we're kind of almost on the subject of inane driving stores, here's one that I feel like I need to squeeze in somewhere - when we were back in Texas, a few hours into our drive, we were almost killed. We were on the highway. I noticed a gigantic eighteen-wheeler pulled off in the grass on the side of the road, in the median. All of a sudden, this huge thing suddenly comes to life and starts moving onto the road. As it turns out, it was doing a fucking u-turn. On a US interstate highway. How retarded. I assume that Spinner notices this as well, but he apparently was stuck in a driving trance. It wasn't until I yelled "hey, like, look out!" that he noticed that if he didn't slow down or something, we'd plow right into this truck that was now completely blocking the road. Spinner hits the brakes, waits for the truck to straighten out and occupy only one lane, then zips ahead. He then rolls down his window and gives the truck driver a well-deserved single-digit salute for his idiocy. We then kind of sit there for a moment trying to appreciate what could have happened.
<Spinner_8> ...thanks.
<Sardius> No problem.
So yeah. From that moment on, Spinner charges me with looking out for misguided trucks and other such imminent collisions. But now, we return to a different driving story, already in progress.)
Spinner's window was rolled down, but no winds were cooling us. We were driving at an excruciatingly slow stop-and-go pace through the Hoover Dam. And it sucked.
<Spinner_8> These...FUCKING
PEOPLE
<Spinner_8> YEAH, FINE,
WALK RIGHT IN FRONT OF US, YOU FUCKS
<Sardius> Just run them
down. They don't deserve to live.
Yes, the heat was getting to us, but the hundreds of tourists walking around were also being assholes. This very well could have turned into a killing spree. Those idiot pedestrians would just walk right into the road and as slowly as fucking possible, of course, cross at any place they pleased. Spinner and I were incensed, of course. Me especially, because these slow slack-jawed fucks were only prolonging the amount of time I had to suffer in that car without air conditioning. Oh, yes, it was quite infuriating.
After a torturously long period of time, we were out of there. Finally.
Hey, look, "Welcome to Nevada." Woohoo. Oh, and a clock. I'm afraid to look...
...what, we don't have to go back an hour? Your clock is set right? I can't...words can't describe how...OH GOD GET US SOME FUCKING GAS BEFORE I FUCKING MELT
Oh good, a gas station.
<Spinner_8> $1.78 per
gallon?!
<Spinner_8> Fuck that!
<Sardius> ...buh? BUH?
Well, I could wait a little longer for the sweet cool caress of air conditioning, I guess. Wait, no I can't. What are you doing, man? Noooooooo...
...I don't remember much about our drive to the next gas station, but it wasn't very fun. I'm sure of that. However, we do eventually arrive at a gas station and fill up.
Whew. God.
What, you want to try the phone again? Ooo-kay...don't expect it to work, though.
<Spinner_8> Thanks.
<Spinner_8> Oh, and there
wasn't any porn in there, by the way.
<Spinner_8> There WERE
some magazines, though, so that's good.
<Spinner_8> I guess.
...doo doo doo. Yep.
Spinner 8 just kind of wanders around the back of the car for awhile, frustratedly entering and re-entering numbers on my ultra-shitty phone.
I reach for my camera to take another random picture, only when I pick it up, I hear a *click*.
...hmm hmm hmm. Yeah, waiting in the car. I'm waiting in the car. Waiting in the car is what I do. Need to go somewhere? I'll wait in the car! Car, car, wait. Wait. In. The. Car. ...drum solo! doodododoodrrrrghdooo...
<Spinner_8> Mister TheRedEye!
Holy shit, you got it to work. Wow.
<Spinner_8> Yeah, me and
Sardius are here, at some gas station in...uh, Nevada.
<Spinner_8> We just came
in from the Hoover Dam. Think you can give us some directions from here?
<Spinner_8> ...oh. Okay.
See you soon.
Spinner talks to THE MAN for awhile - a fact that I'm pretty jealous of, even at this stage in our trip...I mean, come on, it's TheRedEye he's talking to! - and then he gets in the car.
<Spinner_8> Well, we'd
better just drive to Las Vegas on our own for now.
<Spinner_8> THEN, TheRedEye
can give us directions.
Still, though. This is great. This is starting to really come together now. Up until now, I thought that the whole trip was a farce, and Spinner was really just driving out here so he could kill me with a shovel and bury me in the desert. But maybe I'll at least get to party with TheRedEye before that happens now.
<Spinner_8> By the way,
I needed to enter my credit card number to get your stupid phone to work.
<Spinner_8> Ahem.
<Sardius> Oh, no problem.
I'm sure you can handle the charges. They probably won't be too bad.
<Spinner_8> ...ahuh.
So, back to driving. We won't be driving much more, though. Hopefully. Oh God, hopefully.
...
...oh.
...we...we're here.
There's that sign. Like the one you see in the movies.
Las Vegas.
We...we have arrived.
Dude.