Articles and reviews from the past, which hunger for the brains of the future.

BOY THIS SUBTLETY SURE IS TASTY

Mahjong Banana Dream (NOT WORK SAFE) - This prototype article was completed about a year and a half ago, but it was never released to the public...until now.

yayayayayay oh shit flying manekineko

Keith Courage in Alpha Zones - Look, I can't help it that NEC had a thing for shitty promotional comics, okay? It's not like I'm doing this by choice here.

DICKS! WE DIDN'T GO THIS YEAR EITHER

Classic Gaming Expo 2003 Wrapup - It was bad. You'd be stupid to ever go to this thing. Go to SGE instead.

mmm, uncooked generic-brand bacon...

Sega Ruined Our Lives - I swear I'll finish this soon, guys.

We're so going to the Bush Co. this year.

Classic Gaming Expo 2002 - The Novella - A strange, epic work of nonfiction that really defies description.  Read it if you must, but be sure you have a few hours to waste before you start.  Crotch-slamming action awaits as I spin a (completely true!) tale of how I met TheRedEye and threw up all over his bathroom, all amidst a backdrop of Atari Fatties, Alaskan Bush Companies, Dr Pepper-related tragedies, and 3 AM dimension hopping.  Read it and you'll understand.  Maybe.

How Johnny f'n Turbo reacted when the TurboGrafx became defunct.

Oh My God! They're Not Even Human! - The Johnny Turbo Story

All of the animated .gifs in this article are funnier if you view them in Netscape. Seriously. Try it. Some may be disturbing as fuck, like this one, but others become hilarious.

Dance Dance Revolution: Konamix - Does it live up to the high standards of quality set by classic dance-centric games like Michael Jackson's Moonwalker?  Well, no.  But to Konamix's credit, nothing can quite compare to Moonwalker's greatness.  Still, is it a good enough game in its own right?  Read on.

A hastily-drawn goateed face of questionable relevance draws near! COMMAND?

Phantasy Star 3 - A project that was initially developed in order to document a certain facet of PS3, this article quickly deteriorated into something that I can't really explain or take accountability for.  Thrill at this, my first attempt at a pictorial walkthrough of a game, which of course went horribly, horribly wrong.

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