Well guess what? It was all bullshit.
Really, Mr. Enos, Konamix isn't really all that bad of a game - there was no need for you to make up so many lies about it. I'm sure people would've bought it based on its (real) merits alone, so I'm certain that you didn't need to lie in order to keep that sweet job of yours. In fact, these lies only served to piss off myself and all of the other DDR veterans out there who didn't really need to buy this mix at all.
Let's document each and every lie that was made about Konamix, shall we?
Lie: Konamix will have two exclusive remixes, and it will have one song that has never been in any DDR version EVER BEFORE!
Truth: I'm listing this lie first because it's the worst of them all. I mean, holy shit. How can anyone live with themselves knowing that they came up with and distributed this little nugget of fraud? The fact of the matter is, Konamix does have two remixes that are somewhat exclusive. Somewhat. One of them, "AM-3P 303 Bass Mix," actually HAS been featured in another version of DDR, albeit in an unplayable form. Wanna hear it? Load up Extra Mix and finish one of the Nonstop courses. Listen to the song that plays during the credits. There it is. Now, the other remix that Konami claims to exist in the game, "The Earth Light (Remix)," is...hey, wait, it's not even in the game! It's a lie about a lie!
Of course, the most grievous of these untruths came with that claim of an exclusive song. That promise, actually, was the primary, and perhaps only, reason why I bought Konamix at all. So I was unbelievably pissed when I found out what that song was. If you haven't heard what it is already, prepare to be disgusted: The 'exclusive' song is "After the Game."
Yeah, I know. Shitty, ain't it? Let's go down to Konami of America and string us up some publicists, shall we?
Let me explain this to anyone who may not know the story. The Japanese version of DDR 3rd Mix contains a song called "After the Game of Love." Though the song is slow and its steps are easy, it does have one redeeming feature: its lyrics. Every single stanza in the song is filled with vague sexual innuendos, which makes it completely awesome. Though none of the lines are very explicit (the naughtiest verse contains the phrase "between the sheets, just you and me." Ooh, scandalous!), with the proper dance routine, the song could become very x-rated, very quickly.
So what is "After the Game," the 'exclusive' song in Konamix? Why, it's "After the Game of Love," only without the lyrics.
Yep.
So, in essence, the almighty exclusive song in Konamix is a neutered, instrumental version of a mediocre song whose only strength lay in its lyrics. Not only is it not exclusive at all, but this new version also completely fucking sucks.
Once again - fuck you, Konami. Fuck you.
I mean, you could've at least used the remixed instrumental version that played on 4th Mix's Information screens, but no! That would've required a little more effort, and that word is just not part of KOA's vocabulary, I guess.
Speaking of lack of effort, let's move on to the next lie.
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Lie: Konamix will have all new steps for some songs that have never been in a home version before!
Truth: Like the last lie, this is based halfway in truth. But, you know, a sin of omission is still a sin. Um, so there.
So here's the scoop. Some songs included in Konamix previously didn't have sets of steps for Solo (6-panel) mode, or for Double Maniac mode, or at least not in any home version of DDR. The reasons for this are many, and I don't feel like going into detail. But all you need to know is that while semi-recent arcade releases of DDR contained Solo and Double Maniac steps for all of the older songs, previous home versions did not include them, mainly because all releases prior to 4th Mix lacked a Solo mode.
While "new steps" is really reaching as for reasons why someone should buy Konamix goes, it's still something. People will buy anything related to DDR if it promises something new. But sadly, this is also bullshit.
While all 3rd Mix songs in Konamix have been given Solo and Maniac Double steps that previously weren't available in home versions, lots of other songs have no Double Maniac or Solo step sets at all. I first noticed this when I tried out Patsenner on Solo mode. About halfway through the song, I began to wonder where the diagonal arrows were. By the time the song finished and I had yet to hit a single diagonal, I figured out what was up. None of the Club Mix songs were ever in the DDR Solo arcade releases, so they never had 6-panel step sets. Same for the 5th Mix songs in Konamix - they weren't in the DDR Solo games, so no Solo steps exist for them in Konamix, either. Club Mix songs also lack Double Maniac steps, because the Club Appends didn't include a Double Maniac mode.
Does that excuse Konami from not including Solo or Double Maniac step sets for these songs in Konamix? Fuck no.
If Konami of America would have expended just a little bit of effort (there's that dreaded word again), they could have EASILY made their own Solo and Double Maniac steps for inclusion in Konamix. Don't try to tell me that it takes a Japanese Konami programmer to make DDR step charts - it's so simple that a chimp could do it. And lots of chimps have done it - just check out all the sites out there dedicated to .dwi files. I mean, you guys saw fit to add Maniac steps to the US release of Disney Mix (neither the European version nor the original Japanese version contained a Maniac mode), so why couldn't you spend the few minutes you'd need to fill in the massive gaps you left in this game's Solo and Double modes?
The point is, if you play DDR Konamix in Solo or Maniac mode, there's a good chance that you're going to encounter a step set that isn't unique to its mode. And that just sucks. Especially because a lie stated that this wouldn't be so.
(And no, Konami, glibly noting in Konamix's manual in small print that
"Some songs do not support 6 Panels Mode, however you can use EDIT MODE
to make any song compatible with 6 Panels Mode," does not excuse you from
this laziness. At all. If using edit mode to fill in the holes
that you left in your game is so fucking easy, than why couldn't you guys
have done it yourselves?)
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Lie: This release will close the gap between US and Japanese DDR releases!
Truth: Hahahahahaha! Ha! Haha! Ha ha ha ha!
Konamix uses the DDR 4th Mix engine. The superior 5th Mix engine,
which could have easily been used, was ignored. Yes, by keeping the
US one version behind, you can insure that you can make at least
one more US release to sucker people into buying the gap is closed!
5th Mix runs at 60 frames per second, has a great interface, and pretty much rocks in every way. 4th Mix (and, subsequently, Konamix) runs at less than 30 frames per second, and has an interface that's by all accounts clunky and inefficient. Thanks, Konami!
While I'm thanking you, Konami, I'd also like to thank you for slapping a 5th Mix-styled title screen on your bastardized version of 4th Mix. Classy. And deceptive.
Oh, sure. Those poor misguided souls who attempt to defend Konamix's flaws have tried to explain that the 4th Mix engine was needed for this release, because it allows for Solo and Battle modes to be included. Aside from any obvious remarks that could be made about Konami of America's apparently non-existent programmers perhaps, you know, programming Solo and Battle modes into a modified version of the 5th Mix engine for Konamix (*gasp!* But that's impossible! And it would require effort!), this argument is filled with even more holes. The first hole being that Battle mode sucks, and the second one consisting of the many little holes that represent the several dozen missing Solo step sets. Yes, Solo mode is important, so that's why we needed the 4th Mix engine. Even though, you know, Solo mode isn't all that great to begin with, and we aren't going to bother even making all songs Solo-compatible. But besides that, yeah, you Americans are screwed again.
Lie: Konamix is your game! You, the fans! We made it for you!
Truth: Fan input didn't do shit for Konamix. All suggestions, polls, and petitions were ignored. Konami made the kind of game they wanted to make, and anybody who participated in any poll or discussion about Konamix had nothing to do with what the game turned out to be.
Thank God, too. Those people who voted on Konamix songs in the
polls at DDR Freak have the worst taste in music, you know?
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Lie: There's one big secret yet to be revealed! (this statement was made about a week before Konamix's release)
Truth: Yeah, so the instruction booklet contains several small, barely-informative profiles for some of the people whose songs are in Konamix. Big. Fucking. Deal.
Want to see them for yourself but you don't want to buy the game? I'm more than happy to hurt Konami's sales in any way I can, so I've transcribed the profiles here. Consider it your reward for reading through this nitpicky bullshit of mine.
Well. Now that you're thoroughly disgusted with Konami for all of their deceptive ways, I guess it's about time for me to tell you why you should ignore everything I've just said and go out and buy the game immediately.